Self Esteem

An attribute, probably most talked about by self-help gurus and psychologists in the profession of counselling. Self esteem may be required for certain persons at certain mind set. It can be used as an antidote for self induced suffering. But, it may be a problem when we always live with the antidote. In such case, we may have to identify the cause of requirement for antidote and hence eliminate the cause itself for a reasonable life.

When we live with self esteem, it completely takes away the quality of humbleness. Humbleness is not the feeling of low. On the other hand, it is the attribute which makes us learners. Humbleness is one of the basic attributes require for us to experience the life. Without humbleness, we can not be active ‘listeners’ – listeners in the real sense.

As the name suggest, Self Esteem support the growth of ‘self’ or ‘ego’ or ‘I-centeredness’. The growth of ego is nothing but identifying or attaching ourselves with more qualities. More qualities, means we have more relationships. We are already having a complex web of relationships within us and this is the addition to that web of relationship. When we have more relationships, we have more to manage for our day-to-day life. Already we are deep in our relations – due to our insensitivity we are unaware of most of the things we are related with, these additional relations are new burden for us and with in no time we will be insensitive to these new relations also. For sure, we are adding to our problems and hence suffering.

Self Esteem may be advocated for suppressing the feeling of lowness. If we like not to enter into the trap of self esteem, we need to understand why we are entering into the feeling of lowness. And if we never feel low within ourselves, there is no question of self esteem.

Feeling low is the result of comparison of ‘what we are’ with ‘what we should be’. What ‘we should be’ may be a concept of ideal or a particular attribute of another person. Obviously, if one is making such comparison there can not be any other alternative other than feeling low. An ideal is always ideal, even though the ideal is another living person. One can never reach an ideal. It does not mean one should never look beyond the present state of oneself. The life itself is looking beyond what we are today. If we end our experiencing with what we are today, there will be no more life. At this stage we are dead. But this looking beyond is very much different from looking for an ideal and the desire to become that ideal. If we are sensitive enough to ourselves, we have sufficient intelligence to look beyond! – No ideal required.

The bitter reality is that no one out there to educate us on these aspects. If we want to live the life to the fullest of possibilities, we should start studying our own life and understand our own life. On this regard, we are alone in this world; for each one of us is unique creation. No body else can help us in this regard as the reality for them may be entirely different from that of each one of us.

As much as we pursue self esteem, so much the feeling of lowness gain ground deep with in us. In other words, at conscious level we feel great with our own effort, but at deeper level, we may be sinking with out any effort. The antidote may be eating away our life itself – the precious, short life! Understanding must be the only way out! What to understand? None other than ourselves - The qualities that keeps us alive, the influences of external world on ourselves, the influence of our relationships over us, The influence of our own evolution over us that is not even under our control, the beliefs and concepts we ourselves created to support the existence our ego, and so on. Such an understanding can only make us to see ‘what is’ rather than striving for ‘what should be’. Such an understanding is the seeing of truth or reality.

This understanding is the only possibility to remove the cause of ‘feeling lowness’ so that we can be free from the antidote of ‘Self Esteem’ and hence being with humbleness. Such humbleness makes as active learners – the learners of life from moment to moment.