Friday, April 24, 2009


In this universe everything, whether animate or inanimate, is depend on many other things for their survival. Hence dependency is a factor which we inherited from our ancestors, which in turn has the history from the time of creation. But dependency at another level, takes away our freedom and becomes the cause of bondage and hence the cause of our suffering. Hence it may be helpful to understand the term Dependency towards our quest of having a world of our choice.

At one level we depend on our parents, our spouse, our children, our neighbors, our society, etc for fulfilling our day-to-day needs. Without such dependency we cannot have a social life. At another level, we depend on the life of many other living organisms for our basic needs like food (irrespective of vegetarian or not), shelter and basic survival. Without the sacrifice of lives of many other living organisms, we cannot even survive for a day. At a much subtler level, even the inanimate objects depend on other objects for their existence. This is true for sub atomic objects to the cosmic objects.

There is another level of dependency which we create ourselves out of ignorance, which then becomes source of our sufferings. This is the psychological dependency, which we create with our relationships, with our possessions and with our desires. Let us analyze the mechanism of psychological dependency and its role in our life. Once we have the understanding we will be able to decide its role and its need in our lives.

For our needs we depend on two set of people, with one set, we are not emotionally related where as with another set we are emotionally related also. The first set is like grocery agent, news paper agent, vehicle mechanic and so on. In this case, they depend on our need of their services and we depend on their services and there is no emotional factor attached with this dependency on either side. Here if one grocery vendor is not servicing us we can get another one. Hence we never look for the security of service with one particular vendor and hence there is no emotional factor, and hence no psychological dependency. Basically, dependency is need based. The above dependencies are physical need based and we cannot avoid those dependencies, and there are no problems for us due to those dependencies.

The other set is our parents, spouse, children, friends, and similar relationships. There are certain levels of real needs from these relationships. We do not stop our dependency with these relationships at real, required level, but elevate it to emotional level. This is due to the fact that we are in need of emotional content from these relationships. On the other hand, we are emotionally void and hence we tend to fill that emotional void by emotional content from our relationships. The general understanding of us is that without that emotional factor towards the relationships, what is social life and why do we need a social set up like family? Yes, we need emotional factor towards our relationships and with the society, but that should be due to our emotional fullness and not due to our emotional emptiness. If the emotional factor of our relationship is not due to emotional emptiness, then there is no need for emotional dependency for us and there is no suffering for us due to our dependency with our relationships. In such case, there is no question of this discussion at all. But the fact is that we are completely void with respect to our emotions. What we call as emotion within us is just the need of us arising out of this emotional emptiness and due to the projection of our mind but we perceive it as the emotional content we are providing to our relationships due to our ignorance.

There is a third level of dependency in which we depend on many of our material possessions. Out of the possessiveness we build around those possessions, we become emotionally dependent on these possessions. Off late we have reached a level in which our emotional dependency towards these possessions are gone beyond a tolerable limit. In case we lose any of those possessions, we will be down psychologically. This is the real problem – the psychological falling which is the result of emotional dependency. Of course, the loss of certain possession is definitely a loss with respect to our ability to do certain function because the execution of that function depends on the possession. But if it reaches a level where the loss of that possession pull us down psychologically, then something wrong in the type of dependency we have with that possession.

If our emotional factor towards our relationships and possessions arises due to our fullness, then there will not be any suffering for us due to that emotional factor. In the sense, irrespective of the reaction of that relationship towards as, our emotional content flows towards that relationship and due to our emotional completeness, we do not need any emotional factor from that relationship; if at all that relationship is unable to give. If we are emotionally empty, how can we approach the relationships with the emotional factor? We can only expect the emotional content from our relationships, while (actually) nothing to give back. When every one of us in the society is emotionally void, how can our relationships approach us with the (actual) emotional content which we need? Cannot be! Hence the real problem is that every one of us is emotionally void and trying to fill that void by depending on others. Unfortunately all our relationships are at the same level and our emotional need will never be fulfilled. The end result is suffering to us and our relationships.

The only way out is to understand this fact. Once we understand the cause of emotional dependency, we will be free from it; simultaneously we will be emotionally complete by ourselves. These are mere psychological factors and basically evolved due to the projection of our mind. It is not a real dependency. That is the reason, as soon as we understand these deficiencies, it will be filled immediately. In other words the emptiness is due to our ignorance of the facts. Once we understand the facts, our ignorance will be wiped out instantaneously and hence we will be free from illusions. This freedom gives us the fullness and it is an instantaneous change. As soon as we understand the fact, the suffering will be ended because it is a mere psychological factor.

The real problem is to bring in the necessary understanding. As we discussed multiple times, our conditioning is the blocking stone on the path of understanding. Unless we are free from the conditioning, which is result of inheritance, we will not be able to wipe out our ignorance and hence illusions. Until the time we live illusionary life, without looking into the facts and logic of existence, we are not going to be free from our conditioning and hence our suffering. Until the time we are free from suffering, we can look nothing, but a problematic world. At this level, naturally we would like to change the world from what it is. We ourselves are not free from suffering, how can we end the suffering of world?


kriti said...

hi change
enjoyed reading this and other articles on your blog

Change said...


Thanks for your comments. At most value will be given to the readers comments and you are requested to provide comments to this blog as and when you feel like, from the depth of your mind, so that the discussion on this blog can be carried over to unvisited zones.