Saturday, March 14, 2009

Bondage & Freedom-2

WE have seen that attachments with respect to relationships are due to the security sought by the mind so that it can escape from conflicts. When the need for this security intensifies, the attachment become possessiveness, even with the relationships and we can sense at this point the problem is worsening and new conflicts are arising within the relationships. Now we need to escape from (we not yet reached a stage for resolving the conflicts) more conflicts and it has become a cascaded system of conflicts and escapes. Now we start seeking an ultimate escape (not yet reached a stage of thinking of completely resolving all the conflicts) and hence we (our ancestors) invented GOD for that purpose. Now we are conditioned so much due to the conflicts during last twenty thousands years of human existence, GOD is an inseparable entity for us. From this above discussion, we might have understood, there is no escape from conflicts. The more we try to escape from conflicts the more we caught in between the conflicts and hence the term ultimate escape itself is deceptive in nature.

Let us allow our intelligence work for ourselves for some time and try to understand the constructed quality possessiveness, which may helpful to resolve a couple of conflicts, if we can integrate the understandings into our life, we may little bit closer to reality.

We have noted that possessiveness is nothing but intensified attachment. With this view we clearly know that possessiveness is an unwanted quality as it was just the glorification of another unwanted quality called attachment. We already established that attachment is an unwanted quality. Let us look into possessiveness as a fresh entity.

Let us try to analyze possessiveness with respect to relationships. This is because if we can resolve the conflicts with relationships, it is very easy to resolve any other conflicts. Having psychological security is a way for escaping from conflicts. We have numerous conflicts within us. We are constantly increasing those conflicts within us in addition to the conflicts genetically handed over to us from our ancestors and together already handed over to the next generation or will handover shortly. Only very few try to resolve the conflicts, yet they cannot help from handing over those conflicts to next generation. The next generations have to workout freshly, if they want to resolve those conflicts rather than escaping from them.

Possessiveness is the result of our urge to have psychological security. The spouse is a completely different entity from us with respect to our present level of perception. What we know about our spouse is a small fraction of what he/she is. There is no second opinion about this. To make it further clear, what we know about our spouse is just the projection of our mind (except, may be the physical nature). We imagine this and that are the qualities of our spouse, exactly the same way about their image of us within them.

The problem starts when we want to hold on this image for ever. On the other hand, when we desire to possess this image for ever within us to have a sense of security with that relationship, we are already having the constructed quality possessiveness within us. Now we are possessive of our spouse. When the spouse exhibit his/her real nature (which we don’t know at all!) and when it differ from the image we have about our spouse, it is a great psychological blow to us. This is because, we lost the psychological security projected by our mind (not actual, but projection of mind) as his/her expression of himself/herself is not coinciding the image we have projected within our mind, with respect to our relationship with the spouse. So, new set of conflicts aroused within us.

If we go back from this point, the new conflicts are not there, if we don’t have a psychological blow with respect to the expression of our spouse. The psychological blow is not there if the expression of our spouse is not against our image about the spouse. If we do not have a projected image about our spouse, there is no possibility for a conflict between these two (The expression of spouse is unavoidable where as our image about the spouse is avoidable). The image about the spouse is not required, if we understand the relationship itself. Once we understand the relationship, its need and its existence, there is no need for seeking security and hence holding on with the projected image, which is possessiveness. On the other hand, possessiveness on our relationship with spouse is our demand on our spouse to comply with our image about him/her. We claim that the attachment and possessiveness are due to our deep love with our spouse. If we really love him/her, can we ever insist them to always comply with our demand? If we truly love them, we love each and every of their action, irrespective of, what their actions are! With the present social set up and at our present dimension of perception, none of us can really exhibit such a love. When we are not able to love him/her, Why should we need to create an illusion about Love and to support this illusion why should we create the constructed qualities like attachment possessiveness, which just give a false sense of security and the breeding point of new conflicts and fear and take away all our inner freedom and bind us with all these illusions of security. Why can’t we accept our inability for true Love, but live our life with in the social structure. Once we are capable of doing this, there is possibility of better understanding between the spouses and probably they can enter into the domain of true Love also.

The same concept is true with any relationship and hence what is the need for possessiveness in our life with respect to relationships. Now the problem is shifted to understanding the relationships

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